Whine Whine Whine.

I don't want to be here anymore.
I want to want to be here. I wish that I could wake up in the mornings, rested and excited for the day that is just about to begin. Yet, I find myself waking up excited another day has passed because it brings me one step closer to going home. I'm wondering why this is. I cannot figure out if it's a result of missing my friends, boyfriend and family or if I genuinely feel that the decision to move here was wrong. I'm so torn between my emotions and logical reason. Something I've never really had trouble with. I mostly let my emotions control my every move which turns out to be a bit unhealthy at times.
It's so daunting to feel inadequate and one hundred percent uncomfortable. Almost on a daily basis my parents ask me if I'm happy and/or lonely. It's a fight to not spill my guts and for once be honest with them about my feelings. But, I cannot and will not let myself admit defeat. I realize that's not the best idea but pride generally clouds judgement.

Certainly it will get easier. I will find some range of contentment and I can only pray that I will begin to feel as though I'm in the right place. God in His wisdom brought me here and I'm more than positive that He will bring me through it with a greater understanding of myself, His Kingdom to come and most importantly, love.